Never Borrow and Never Lend

The other day, when I was coming home with my daughter, she said that she didn't have any more subway tickets with her. Since I just bought one sheet for her, I asked why she didn't bring her tickets. She said that her friend "borrowed" some tickets and she never returned her back.
When I asked her more about this, she confessed that this particular girl borrowed tickets from her many times before. Long time ago, she told me that her friend didn't bring a ticket and gave her once. At that time she paid child fare and tickets weren't that expensive, and I never knew she was doing this so frequently. Now she pays for student ticket fare, which is a lot more expensive. My daughter told me that when this girl borrowed child tickets before, she only returned back twice but borrowed more than ten times. Now she asked her student tickets two days in a row and never returned. A several days later, the other girl asked her for a ticket. I told my daughter that it was not her responsibility if they forgot to bring their tickets to school. They can go to the school office to ask for help. The other girl didn't return the ticket back to her either. I hope my daughter learned her lessons.

In general, it is not a good idea to borrow things or lend things when it comes to money or valuable things. Especially if you were asked, instead of you offer first. Even a small amount of money, it causes problems in relationships among friends and family. For those who lend things never forget about this and those who borrowed often think it was not a big deal. And there are people who use other people. They didn't forget, but they didn't want to return and intentionally use other people's kindness.

So what do you do if someone asks you to lend something?

1. Make an excuse and don't lend --- This is probably the best way if you don't know the person very well. If this is money then more so than things. If this person asks to borrow a thing, you can direct him where he can buy or find this same thing. If you don't mind if this "thing" could get some minor damage or if not returned for a very long time or could be lost, then you can lend him.
2. Give them, don't think they borrowed --- In some instance, your family or good friends really need help. If you decide to lend money or precious things to someone you really love, then just give them. In this way, this will not cause any troubles in your relationships to the other person. If he returns this back to you, you will be happy but if not, just forget about this. If you are not ready to do this, try not lend anything of value.

Unfortunately, you can't often do either 1 or 2 above, and ending up lending something to someone. If the person doesn't return as promised, what can you do? My suggestion is to ask the person to return you the thing he borrowed. It is often not easy to do. People are shy about asking people to return and not sure when to start that conversation. If you think the person just forgot about this, then there is nothing better than asking him directly. If I borrow something from someone and if I forgot to return, I would be happy if the person asks me instead of saying nothing and thinking bad about me. If you are shy to ask in person, send him an e-mail. Just to remind him.

Now there are people who doesn't return even if you ask a few times. This is a red flag situation. The person is not planning to return the thing you lend. You have to either forget about this and keep the relationships with the person, or try getting back your stuff risking the relationships with this person. This is usually where the problem starts and that is why you should never ever lend something that you can not live without. If this person has no relation to you, I would think you should not keep any relationships with this person and get your stuff back. This person can not be trusted and even if you try hard, you might not get your stuff back and lose relationships, too, but I don't think it is worth keeping this person as a friend. If this person is your family or relative, then situation becomes complicated.

So who are these people who borrow and never return things? They can be wealthy, they can be poor, they can be educated, and they can be anyone. It is just that they feel that they are entitled to use people. Here are few things you should watch out in people.

1. People who borrow often --- There are people who borrow from people very often without much guilt. They often return things back to you, but then they ask you again. They do this frequently and the amount they borrow increase each time, and they sometimes forget. Some of these people are professional cheater. They borrow money from one person, use it, borrow from another and return to the original person, then borrow from another person and return to the second person, and so on until they can no longer do this because he owes money from everyone, then he disappears. 
2. People who ask for insignificant items and never give --- There are people who ask for something small all the time, but never give you back anything. Do you remember the classmate who never brings lead for mechanical pencils and asks you one? Did he ever give you back a pack of lead after asking you for all year around? If you see someone who does this all the time, never trust to let them borrow anything from you. It is very likely that this person will not return.

The best way to avoid these troubles is never to borrow and never to lend.

Image by 401(K) 2012 on flickr