How To Deal With A Difficult Person

I'm sure that everyone has experiences with someone who is difficult. If you can just avoid such a person, that would be great, but it is not always possible. Sometimes such a person is your relative, or even a parent. Sometimes such a person is your boss or a colleague. So how do you deal with him/her?

First thing to find out is that why this person is difficult. Does he have problems with you? Does he just want to show that he is the boss? Is he unhappy with other things in his life and releasing the stress on you? 

1. If this person behaves in this way to majority of other people:

• This person doesn't know he is difficult.
• This person is sad and frustrated because not many people become friends with him.

Probably this person doesn't mean to behave difficult to others, but lacks social skills. This type of person is actually not too hard to deal with. He often explodes when he believes someone did something wrong. Let him say whatever, but wait until he cools down. Once he is calm, if you did something slightly wrong to provoke him, just apologize. If you think you didn't do anything wrong, just explain. But in either case, you should not have any hostile behavior toward him. This person has a problem, not you. Be sympathetic and don't take anything personally, because they didn't mean it.

2. If this person behaves in this way to some people but not others:

• This person plays favorites.
• This person gives unfair favour to those he likes.

This type of person is better to be far away from, especially if you are not his favorite. There is no way to get along with him unless you turn into his favorite. If he is your boss, you are done. Only thing you can do is to avoid further problems with this person and move to another department or job. Or you will need to fight until you win and let the person go away instead of you. If this person is your relative or family, you might want to avoid contact as much as possible. This can be a bit tricky situation.

3. If this person behaves in this way only to you:

If this is the case, there must be a reason. You should have a discussion with him to find out what his problem is with you. Even if he doesn't tell you the reason, you will need to figure out what is happening. If the person is not unkind but maybe temporarily jealous or something, he will come around eventually. If he enjoys being mean, he might have had other victims before. In this case, you will have to fight.

Final thought

In my experience, most of the difficult people belong to #1. They are the type of people everyone hates, but in reality, they aren't as bad as they seem. Because of the lack of social skills, they receive hostility from others and they just reflect that hostility back at people.

#2 can be often found among teachers. I think because they have the power, they tend to behave that way. People who favours some and don't like others could exhibit different degrees of meanness. Depending on that, you should pick your fight.

#3 has two types. One type is temporarily difficult but comes around eventually. For example, if you are a new hire in a company and if someone else in the company wanted the position you got might act hostile towards you at the beginning. However if this person isn't really a mean person then he will come around. The worst type is the type of a person who enjoys making someone's life miserable. He would pick one person and does all kinds of mean things then moves onto the next victim. You will either fight till win or run as fast as you can.

Image by Tambako the Jaguar (Creative Commons License)